Buying Him by E.V. Darcy

Author:E.V. Darcy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Darcy's Royal Library

Cormac put the key in the lock and stopped. He dropped his head to the door and leaned his weight against it, resisting the urge to bang it against the flimsy wood to see if that would knock some sense into him. He took a deep breath, puffing up his cheeks as he slowly released it while trying to gather his thoughts.

How was he going to tell his brother he’d been sacked? How could he explain to a six-year-old that they were about to lose their tiny, shitty home because Cormac had morals—which was ironic considering he took his clothes off for money. James would tell him he could get another job as a waiter; they’d be fine in his simple child-like view of the world. He had no idea that waiting tables was not the part of his job that brought in the money.

‘Fuck!’ Cormac breathed the word as he recalled the bills sitting on the table. He remembered the rent arrears piling up week in, week out. He thought of how his bank balance hadn’t seen the colour black in over a year…

Maybe he could go back and tell O’Malley he’d do it? He’d tell him everything if Lady Victoria came to see him… And he’d hate himself forever.

But what was a little self-hatred piled on top of self-pity, isolation, near celibacy, and…

‘Yeah, that’s enough, Cormac,’ he said to himself as he stood up straight again. He squared his shoulders, gave himself a mental slap, and turned the key. He’d understood what he was letting himself in for when he’d sat down years ago with the social workers and defended his right to be James’ guardian. They’d warned him of these things, told him it would be difficult, that he was young and had no idea what he was letting himself in for… It was the only risk he’d taken that he hadn’t regretted.

Until tonight.

He’d been holding on by the skin of his teeth to provide for James; maybe he had to face that he couldn’t do this anymore and perhaps James would be better off without him.

The idea of James in a loving home with a mother and father doting on him, making him healthy home-cooked meals that were heaped high on his plate, driving him to school in a car that was actually safe for him, dressing him in clothes they bought new from actual clothes shops and not the charity stores he had to visit without James just so the kid wouldn’t know his clothes were second-hand… The thought both turned his stomach at the idea of not being there to do all that and filled him with longing that James could have it all if he was just willing to let go.

He swallowed down the guilt that he’d done James a disservice in trying to raise him, from not putting him up for adoption when he was still a baby like his social worker had advised. He turned the key in the lock. A

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